60 Seconds with Joffa!

Would you trust 60 seconds of your time with this man?

Our guest will only have 60 seconds to answer a wide variety of questions

Where the first answer is the only answer!

Celebrities, Footballers, Politicians, and yes, even Journo's wont escape the Joffasfrontpage.com clipboard.

Joffasfrontpage would like to thank Shawn for his time

Bonza Bloke, Bonza Voice, Bonza Magpie Man.

My worst habit is.....snoring ... and pretty loud I'm told!!
 
The last time i cried was.....  when Collingwood was beaten by Carlton ... anyone but Carlton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The thing i fear most is.....  not death, but being beaten by Carlton by 1 point in a grand final 

My guiltiest pleasure is....   a glass or three of nice wine with a great home cooked meal 

It's a bit daggy but i love......  wearing old torn footy shorts and 't' shirts.  Great! 

If there were five people living or dead, I could invite to dinner, they would be.......  Melbourne Cup winning jockey Jim Johnson, actress Cameron Diaz, Larry Emdur from The Price is Right, the legend Warnie (just in case we need a phone), and Bill Clinton ...he'd organise the girls! The night would go off.  

The celebrity I fancy the most is......  Jennifer Hawkins .. just ahead of Larry Emdur ..he's pretty cute too!!

A book that means a lot to me is.....   Jaws. After I read it I nailed bars over the toilet. Terrified!  

A movie has stayed with me is....   Phar Lap ... I was a race caller in it. I'm still alive ..Big Red isn't. 
 
A song that resonates me is....   China Grove ...The Doobie Brothers (showing my age). 

Someone who makes me laugh is....   Billy Connolly, but also Kevin Rudd and Alexander Downer. I reckon they should be married. 

The hardest thing i've ever done was....   fill in this bloody survey, Joffa!!!! 

The things i love about foootball are....  any football game where Scott McLaren isn't umpiring. Seeing Brendan Fevola kick 1 goal 18, or him kick 18 -1 and Carlton lose. 
 
The worst i game im saw was...  when Carlton beat us this year.

The best game i saw was....   1990 GF. Pies win! 

At home i cook.....   everything, I love it. French, pizza, ravioli, Japanese... you name it! 

My first job was....   office boy at Channel 10 Toowoomba, Queensland. 

If my house caught fire the first thing i would grab is.... a fire extinguisher...if we have one ..  no, my children!

Five years from now i will be...   5 years older and hopefully have some more of the mortgage paid off. 

My favourite toy as a child was....  me Teddy Bear! 

Three things people might not know about me are.....   I wanted to be a jockey and actually rode trackwork ..bit bigger now. I'm a very good cook. I'm the patron of Brainwave .. we raise money for children with brain disorders, cancer, stroke etc.

The best way i find to relax is....  cooking a good meal with a glass (or 2) of wine. 
 
When I was a child i wanted to be... a jockey! 
 
My biggest regret is...  I was too young when I went to school. I was 16 when I did year 12. Crazy. 

If I were a movie actor, the character i would wish to have played is...  Austin Powers... great ladies.

I wish i had.....  enjoyed school more. 
 
I wish i hadn't.....  eaten so much for dinner last night. 
 
If only i could....   lose some weight!   

Shawn tell us all about Digital Tributes sounds really interesting mate......
I make dvd tributes for funeral services. I had some friends pass away and I did some for them, demand followed and now I am very busy producing these as well as doing printing for funerals. It's very rewarding.

 Tom Siegert is a Stand up comic funny guy a comedian who has performed across Australia for the last three years, Tom loves life with a good laugh and follows the mighty pies. Joffasfrontpage has see Tom perform live and he is one very funny comedian

Tom also dreams of seeing joffa don the gold jacket on the last day in September... Told ya he was a sweet guy!

joffa... What five people would you have over for dinner and why ?
tom...Nathan Buckley (cos he's the greatest), Jen Hawkins (cos she's the prettiest), Arj Barker (cos he's the funniest), Mike Tyson (cos he's the toughest) and Wayne Harmes (so i could cut his right arm off) 
 
joffa...If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb ?
tom...My girlfriend is the tidiest girl in the world. At our house there would never be two crumbs on the table. 
 
joffa...If Bette Davis were alive today what number one question would you ask her ?
tom...I know nothing about her but the song about her eyes, so i would ask her who she is. 
 
joffaHow important does a person have to be before they are considered assasinated instead of murdered ?
tom...If the person has personal security around them when they are murdered, it is an assasination. I think. 
 
joffa...How come a Pizza can get to your house faster than an Ambulance ?
tom...Cos when your drunk and hungry, you need a pizza more than you will ever need life support. 
 
joffa...Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off ?
tom...Im pretty sure theres a little guy that lives under the seats at the back of the bus that shuts the door. He survives off the food scraps of passengers. Not 100% sure where he goes to the toilet.  
 
joffa...Jesus Myth or Fact ?
tom... I'm not touching this one with a fifty foot pole. But i will say "GOD" retired last year due to bad hammies.
 
 
joffa...Have you ever eaten Broad Beans ?
tom...No. 
 
 
joffa...What extreme lengths would you go to when discovering your missing five dollar note is on it's way to the tip with the mornings garbage ?
tom...Dont think Id bother. 
 
 
joffa...If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap ?
tom...I'd nip the problem in the bud and cut his hands off.
 
 
joffa...When it rains why dont sheep shrink ?
 tom...Not sure, but if you tumble dry a cat it dies.
 
 
joffa...Have you ever desired to wear the Gold Game over Gold Jacket ?
tom...Not a day goes by. 
 
 
joffa...How awas joffa in Dubai and Australia at the same time ?
tom...No idea. 
 
 
joffa...Your tip on our next USA President ?
 tom...I reckon give bush another crack. Surely he's due to do something good soon.
 
joffa...Would you eat boiled Sheep Testicles wrapped in brussel sprout leaves ?
tom...I have them every morning with my wheat bix.
 
 
joffa...Will Collingwood ever win another premiership ?
tom...Bloody oath. Mind you im still a big believer that James Manson will make it as a kicker in the N.F.L. 
 
 
joffa...If you were not a comedian what would you be ?
tom...A goal sneak opportunist for the mighty pies. I would have got there to but was just a little bit slow for the modern game, wasnt quite tall enough and my skills were shit. 
 
 
joffa...What does Australia mean to you ?
tom...Home, and the greatest country in the world.
 
 
joffa...Your greatest world leader and why ?
tom...Tony Shaw. Cos he did what hadnt been done for 32 years and hasnt been done for 18 years since.
 
joffa...Is Homer Simpson a dirty fat lazy uneducated slob ?
tom...No, he's a cartoon character. But some of my mates dont have that same excuse. 

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Steve Perkin writes the daily Pulse column in the sports pages in the Herald Sun. He has worked in newspapers most of his life apart from a year running a bar in Queensland and five years in Television during which time he managed to get the arse from three different television networks. He considers his greatest achievments to be having three children born in Hawthorn premiership years- 1986 ,88 and 91. - and still being able to laugh despite three years working beside Eddie on The Footy Show.

The Pulsinator
Steve Perkin.

Joffa...In the song itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini, which is yellow -the bikini or the polka dots?
Steve..I've never thought about it and hopefully i'll never waste my time thinking about it again.

Joffa...Do you eat boiled tripe with milk?
Steve..I was forced fed tripe as a kid and threw up both times. Tripe and Benedictine are my NO go areas.

Joffa.. What five people would you invite to dinner?
Steve..I've got a wife and four kids but somebody would need to make way for Billy Connolly.

Joffa..If Darren Millane were alive today what question would you ask him?
Steve..How's the thumb.

Joffa..Do Lipton's tea employees take a coffee break?
Steve..Do you need to be a beer drinker to work at CUB

Joffa..What does Australia mean to you?
Steve..I go to a different part of Australia every holiday because it's just so sensational

Joffa..Is it true your a closet Collingwood supporter?
Steve..I still havn't forgiven Essendon for letting you win in 1990

Joffa..If Sir John kerr was alive today what question would you ask him?
Steve..Drink?

Joffa..Your greatest world leader and why?
Steve..Fidel Castro, 81 and still smokes Cigars.

Joffa..First thought to mind , flying through the skies and the parachute doesn't open and the emergency chute doesn't open either?
Steve..Why did i let my wife talk me into this. My wife and daughters are parachute jumpers.

Joffa..Have you ever desired to wear the Game Over gold jacket?
Steve..No, nor do i want to wear Kennett's brown and gold creation, even though i barrack for Hawthorn.

Joffa..Your most embarrassing moment?
Steve..Coming out of school aged 10, getting into a car, putting my school bag on the back seat and leaning over to kiss mum hello, then realising it was the wrong car.

Joffa..Would you go through your garbage bag to resuce a five dollar note?
Steve..NO, but i'd make my kids do it!

Joffa..If stranded on a desert island and you came across Joffa, Jeff kennett and Eddie which one would you go to?
Steve..Do egos float ?

Joffa..Favourite TV show?
Steve..The Simpsons.

Joffa..Favourite sports person?
Steve..Shane Crawford

Joffa..Are you sure you've never had boilt tripe with milk?
Steve..Stop, Your making me feel ill.

Great stuff Cheers steve,  i'll keep the other eye open for ya when it's gold jacket time which means the Pies will be doing  their usual trick over the  mighty Dawkers!

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Welcome to our 60 Seconds Page...

Nick McCallum

One eyed Melbourne supporter and all round knock a bout good bloke.  Nick's expertise in his field has seen him travel the world to bring us the news as it happens when it happens. From the tragedy of the Bali Bombings to London's devastating underground Bombing.  In his 27 years as a reporter, Nick spent 7 years as Channel 9's US correspondent, Covering 5 academy awards, The impeachment of Bill Clinton.  Hs also worked for The Today Show covering the Iraq War from the US Central command in Qatar.

JOFFA... Do you eat boiled cabbage?
NICK... You have got to be kidding??!!  No way gives me wind.

JOFFA... What five people would you invite to Dinner?
NICK... Osama Bin Laden, George Bush..with three of my mates on deckchairs with a full esky, we'd sit back suck on tinnies and watch the action, Then lock the doors and tell them both to just work it out. 

JOFFA... If Princess Diana were alive today what question would you ask her?
NICK... How about a chat about 10am on 3aw on Sunday

JOFFA... What's the first word that comes to mind when i say 'Collingwood'
NICK... D##khead!

JOFFA... Have you ever desired to wear the GAME OVER gold jacket?
NICK... Yes i tried to find you Joffa last Queen's birthday when the Mighty Demons were leading in the last Quarter so I could put it on!.

JOFFA... Was the moon landing a Hollywood production?
NICK... Was a bloody lousy one if it was!..The footage was so grainy and audio scratchy

JOFFA... What inpsires you Nick?
NICK... Demon victories..so not much so last season, All people's enthusiasm and passion i find it contagious, except in the case of the Collingwood cheer squad.

JOFFA... Your greatest world leader?
NICK... Not a world leader..But Martin Luther King. His compassion and oratory was inspirational. He gave so many people hope, The world would be a much better place if he survived long enough to become an ' elder ' statesman let's hope Barack Obama can channel him.

JOFFA... Would you risk limb to save a five dollar note from a falling buliding?
NICK... No, Not mine. I'd ask my sons to dive after it..and they'd do it!

JOFFA... If your next door neighbour's Great Dane did a number 2 in your backyard would you throw it back over the fence followed by the number 2?
NICK... No! I'd throw our dog over the fence..little ' billy ' the cavoodle is a pooping machine. He would decimate their backyard.

JOFFA... Would the world be a better place if JFK had survived the assasination attempt?
NICK... Yes! He had the potential to be a great President. I also think if he had lived America would not have been so deeply mired in Vietnam

JOFFA... If Benazir Bhutto was alive today what question would you ask her?
NICK... Did you Die in vain and will your country ever find prolonged peace?

JOFFA... Is there a lost socks home?
NICK... If there is im funding it!  Haven't worn matching socks for weeks.

JOFFA... What does Australia mean to you?
NICK... Being able to speak your mind, Then having a laugh about it and sharing a beer!

Thanks Nick greatly appreciate your time mate, I'll give ya one mighty wave during the 3rd Quarter with the gold jacket at this year's Queens birthday clash!

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It is with great pleasure to introduce our very first Celebrity/Politician
Former Senator and leader of The Australian Democrats..
exceptional community activist...

Janet Powell

What five people would you invite to dinner?
Julia Gillard
Bob Brown
Nelson Mandella
Dame Elizabeth Murdoch
Dalai Lama

Do you eat Brussel Sprouts?
Yes but under sufferance

Ever desired to wear the Game Over Gold Jacket?
No sorry i haven't

What team do you follow?
Im a football follower in general, Very dissapointed in the general direction the AFL is going, love going to a good game.

If not Collingwood why not?
There have been times Joffa when i have barracked for the Pies

Bungee jumping or sky diving?
Neither Thankyou! i'm a self proclaimed coward

Most treasured moment?
My five children and Grand child

Dark or white chocolate?
Most definately dark chocolate thankyou!

If the world was to end in 60 minutes what would you do?
Just get near my family

Your biggest dissapointment?
Most politicians-two party politics

Your favourite thing about Australia?
Freedom and space

Dream holiday destination?
Scotland

What does Australia mean to you?
It's home we have enormous freedom here also love multiculturalism

Your all time fave movie?
Gone With The Wind

Your all time fave song?
Amazing Grace

How could the world be a better place?
We could care more about each other

If Elvis were alive today what would you ask him?
If he really understood why he damaged himself

If Martin Luther King was alive today what would you ask him?
If he was sorry that he didn't live longer than he did, Some hints on how to be as brave as he was.

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